Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
