My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
