im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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