wakey wakey hands off snakey
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
