you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
