I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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