Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
