I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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