similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
