The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
