Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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