I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
