I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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