I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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