Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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