I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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