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i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
