I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
