I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
