Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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