I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
