I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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