Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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