So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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