Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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