Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
