i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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