Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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