i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
