I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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