If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
