Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
