So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
