Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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