fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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