So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
