we made out on top of his cat.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
