I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
