my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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