I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
