Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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