no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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