Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
