so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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