is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
