He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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