you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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