I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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