We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
