Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
