based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think my fart just growled at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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