C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
