Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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