I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
