what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
