Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
