Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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