so that wasnt chicken after all
well you can't waste a boner
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
