I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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