Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
