i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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