new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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