there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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