You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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