i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found puke in my bra..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
