You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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