well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
