I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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