I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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