put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
