the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
