Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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