i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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