i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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