can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
