hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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