apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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