I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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