i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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