im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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