I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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