question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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