Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
