benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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