We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
